Праздничное, часть 1

- Well, you know, when you are in your 40s ..., started the orthopedist. My heart stopped beating.
- I will give you some medication. I just want to warn you that it might hurt the liver. And kidneys. Do you have kidney problems?
- Not before I met you, doctor.
The doctor looked startled and I smiled to indicate a joke. 
- Do not be afraid. My daughter takes this medication. For two years already. And she is 21.
I wanted to tell the doctor that she might not live to 45 on that pills, and I am already there, but finally decided otherwise: my wife has been always telling me not to scare the people with my jokes.
- There are two possibilities for what is going wrong with your right shoulder. Correspondingly, either I have to make you an injection with corticosteroids, but I tell you that will hurt as hell. Or I perform a surgery. We will see on that after the MRI.
That was a perfect start for Friday before the Labor Day weekend. In three hours I was already in the plane heading to Chicago. Fairly depressed.

Праздничное, часть 2

«А сейчас», сказала стюардесса, «мы пролетаем над Миннеаполисом. Обратите внимание, из правого иллюминатора хорошо виден рухнувший мост на I-36». Пассажиры полупустого CRJ-200 бросились на правую сторону. Самолет качнуло. «Турбулентность», подумал Штирлиц.